Halfway through my semester of my junior year I sat in my professors office hoping for any type of help. Managing a full course load, three separate internships in music, as well as my job with Red Bull I was obvious that I was not okay. My professor looked me in the eyes as I am out of breath sitting in his office chair most likely hungover from some nights before. Looking at my current grade for the class not understanding how I was going to survive this time. He told me “stop trying to be super women” and “there will be other jobs later in music, you just need your degree first.”

At this time in a typical arrogant and ignorant college student, I did not listen. School was a challenge for me growing up battling with severe ADHD. Plus absorbed in the pride of working for Red Bull and supporting every last music event I could find in Columbia, South Carolina. Long story short, I had to retake the class next semester. But at least I know basic HTML/CSS and website building now.

Sitting down to write about my time living in South Carolina was not easy. Academic and career wise I was seemingly thriving , maybe from the outside. The bigger problem was with in my personal life. Transferring into the school my sophomore year, I was searching for the party. Unforgivingly, I received that right when I arrived. Just did not go as planned after I woke up after that first night. Later realizing the hurt that I found inside from untrustworthy friends and partners, I turned to alcohol. Everyone seemed to be doing it. As most of us were living without our nuclear family for the first time. We drank for an idea to survive and ignore the loneliness that was below the surface.

I drank because thats where I found my confidence, it was escape from reality, it was an escape from the loneliness. Somewhere in this time I developed the party girl persona gravitating to any event I could to make myself feel seen. In reality I just wanted to escape. Constantly being involved in uncomfortable hookups convincing myself somehow it was female empowerment. Until I was chased out a bar one night by a man but my “friends” at the time said maybe I should not have run away. Looking back at these old pictures, it was not easy. At an older perspective understanding I was crying out for help through the constant cheap tequila I poured down my throat. Talking about this still is what my older friend said is proof I have not completely healed. Admitting and writing about this now is my was of trying to finally turn the key and close this door. It happened and got me to a safer place.

Coming across the case of People v. Turner criminal case, was proof I was not alone. The stories I explained were common for every girl drinking a beer next to me at University. More common on a national level in the United States. In a binge drinking environment throughout colleges in the United States. There seemed to be ways to prevent these things as my therapist yelled at me about the direction I was heading. Saying I could turn into an alcoholic, but I was already there. Asking and not understanding why student at South Carolina could not do things sober?

We were surrounded by music. Music became my safe place, how I would identify myself by for the longest time. In my head working in entertainment seemed to be the answer to continue the party I started in South Carolina. Entertainment seemed to be the unrealistic escape out of the south for good. Living the Kardashian lifestyle I constantly absorbed as a kid. I started with an internship with a local baseball team the Florence Red Wolves. Spending most of the time taking pictures of different baseball players on the field while standing in dugout. Shy but wanting to listen to the drama in the dugout. Trying to find interest in the sport that used to bore me growing up. Nothing really changed.

After this internship, I started heading in the other side of my minor in Sports and Entertainment. The entertainment side. The side that was often looked over as I was attending a school in the south where American football was everything to most people. I sill wanted to get further into seeing if music was a path I could take seriously. My friend and I at the time decided to sign up for our college’s radio station. We were offered a late night show around 12-2am. Honestly it was one of my favorite decisions I did make in college. The radio station was the alternative side of campus with everyone having their unique identities for their show name and theme. Ours was the Village Idiots. Named after our favorite after class pizza joint where we would stack our Budweiser and Bud Light beers into towers. Deciding to choose our DJ names as Bud Heavy and Bud Lit. It was an era for our friendship at the time. Eventually leading me to take it a step further and join the public affairs team at the station.

Next I received a job offer from Red Bull and I was obsessed. As we would have Red Bull meetings in different cities through the south with other ambassadors at different colleges. Partying at the Clermont Hotel in Atlanta for example. A scene with around 30 college kids partying in hotel rooms. Hyped up on Red Bull and tequila. Going from the rooftop of the hotel all the way down to their strip club at the bottom floor. I am sure most of our egos sky rocketed as we returned back to our college campuses that next week. Coming back with tons of Red Bull gear and cases, cases , and cases of free Red Bull. Everyone that met or knew me probably found out I worked for Red Bull in the first five minutes of speaking. It was my right of passage I included marketing initiatives at any corner I could find at the Journalism school. As well as using cases of Red Bulls to get into the Fraternity parties. The party started chasing me.

Until the party stopped. Quickly and unexpectedly. I found myself laying on the floor staring up at my college bedroom ceiling. Asking myself, where do we go from here?

My job, internships, classmates, professors, and long hours at the Journalism school faded away without me blinking. The school became empty. I would go for runs from my house at the time all the way back up to the main parts of campus. Stopping to look around, catch my breath, and see no one around. I would look at the time on my phone realizing this used to be the time most students were on campus. Now all of a sudden it was empty.

We would spend long days in our living room, playing drinking games, Wii, and various dinners. As well as on St. Patricks day we decided to give each other stick and poke tattoos. Around a week after our classes were cancel with a n undecided date, we found out we no longer had a graduation date. Later realizing our graduation was completly cancelled. Regardless we decided to quarantine at the house until our original graduation date came around. We drank bottles of champagne all day and graduated on our front porch. Until the day came where we packed our boxes back in our parents car. Even as lost as ever I was in life, I was so happy to finally give up the key and start a new life.

Living in South Carolina was never easy for me. As I came into a situation anxious, and wanting to belong. Straying off from the right path the one I found at my senior year of high school. Learning life is anything but expected. That people can be your friend at one moment and your enemy at the next. Before I moved to South Carolina and after I moved out I realized an important lesson. If you are unhappy in your life, it is on you to take action and make a change. No one else is going to save you. It is your self that is going to save you every time. Trusting that you will find the right direction just trusting that there is a reason behind everything.

After moving out of South Carolina, out of delusion I thought that maybe there was still a corporate job on LinkedIn somewhere. Until I realized that LinkedIn was becoming more of a ghost town than my college campus. Tired and confused on what to do. I decided to close the laptop and do something not advised. I traveled to Colorado, DC, and eventually booked a one way ticket. An interview, job offer, a COVID test, later I had decided to move away from the south for good. I never really looked back or was ever the same after. My life changed in the most unimaginable ways. I understood travel, experiencing new places, faces, was the life I was meant to live. Realizing through every trial comes some sort of blessing after.

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